infreefall | redacted ★ claude

(The trial is over, he lingered after to say good bye to Hikaru, and he stuck around to explain what he knew about splintering and now

He's free.

Which means there really isn't much else to focus on. He has this pterodactyl now and something about it keeps bringing back this strange feeling whenever he tries to take care of it. Like he's trying to reach for something but can't quite grasp it. Maybe... he should know how to take care of a flying beast like this? Hmm, he isn't sure but it's now the proxy wyvern for the wyvern he clearly has never had!!!

Catch him outside sitting out near the base of the mountain. Those dang bubbles are still around and the pterodactyl seems pretty preoccupied by them. When he tries to pull it away from one of the bubbles it pops and--

The memory is short and brief.

There's a boy dressed in colorful robes. He stands at the edge of beautiful a fountain in a... grand palace? It isn't completely clear but wherever it is, it's clearly a beautiful and important place. He looks out at the sand dunes and mountains on the horizon. The air is warm and dry but there's a cool, evening wind. In the distance, there are... dragons? Yeah, dragons and people are riding them. Most of the dragons are dark-- shades of brown and black but one, white wyvern approaches the boy on the ledge. Its gold eyes are bright and intense, focused on him and once it's close enough... it stops right at the ledge. The water in the fountain waves, getting his feet wet but he doesn't mind. The boy holds out his hand to touch its maw. There's no fear, only adoration and respect for the creature that lets out a low, rumbling sound from its throat and takes back to the skies.

And when the memory ends, there's just Claude at the base of the mountain holding the pterodactyl in his arms. He tilts his head curiously at Ochako. He isn't... quite sure what he just saw but he isn't going to dwell on it,)

Hey, Ochako. Did you come all the way out here to find me?

(Huh. He didn't think anyone would come this far.)

[ dragons... the memory makes her smile, just a little, but something is missing, so she couldn't say why. maybe it's just claude's own feelings, leaking through the memory and into her? it seemed like he was used to seeing them and admired them so much.

it's not important right now, though, so ochako resolves to ask about it again later. ]

Yeah. I thought someone should.

[ and hikaru... well. ]

(From his own perspective... everything is gone. All he can really recall is the memory of watching wyvern flying but surely, he's seen that plenty of times in Fodlan, too.

He smiles at Ochako, quiet and amused,)

Hmm... Well, you've checked on me.

(And he watches her to see what her next move might be, what she might say,)

I didn't think anyone would come out here... (It wasn't popular before and he can't imagine it being a top destination now,) But let's see... this is the part where I should say something.

(What can he say, though?)

"At least we found her."

(Optimism.)

"May the goddess watch over her now."

(Hope.)

That should do it, right?

(It should be enough? Even if there are a hundred other thoughts on his mind.)

[ she's quiet at first, apparently considering those words. then she shakes her head. ]

No.

...

(And that... gets him to frown. Huh. He'd really thought that would be enough to shake her off.

She's a determined one, isn't she? Observant and insightful, the type of person that can see people. People like her can be frightening for people like him.)

Figured as much. (He shrugs,) It was worth a try.

[ well she's frowning right back at him! ]

I don't really know what you're so afraid of, Riegan-san... Maybe where we come from is too different for me to understand, or maybe I just don't know you well enough to tell. But you can't keep hiding who you are forever, you know? You need to be able to trust someone to take you for who you really are sometimes.

[ looking away, ochako focuses on the raptor that's been following her around as it tries to scramble on top of a small rock. ]

Hikaru-san was that person for you, wasn't she? That's why I never asked you about it before. I was glad you two had each other.

(Ouch talk about a direct hit. Still, even if he's being called out, he can manage a smile, perfectly practiced and perfectly fine except for that fact that it isn't quite genuine.

Something about what she says... really seems to resonate him but he can't quite put a finger on it.

He's h̸̪̜̍͐̂id̵͙̂̕ing ██meth̸̝́██ǧ̷̰. No one can know w̶h̷o̴ ̷h̶͔͓̰̟̯̾̈̋e̶̖͙͓̣̟͖͕͗̈́̏͂ ̶i̴s̵̢̛̱̽̔͂͘. No one can know where he's f̸̡̧̨͓̭͛́̋̋rơ̷̙͓̎͌m̷̢̯̠͎̔. He pr█mised his parents. If anyone knew █ho h̸̢̧̢͈̳̤̣̎e̵̖͒͑͠͝ w̵̥̫̑̏̉͆͌̕as̴̞̽̿̃͂͛ then... then what? There's something there. Or rather, there's nothing there. Not where it should be. All he has is this other name and this memory of his parents. The last pieces of his t̶͚̓r̸̳̼̆̊u̵͇̬̬̥͗͑͝ḙ̴͙̐ ̵i̵d̸e̴n̶t̴i̸t̴y̶.

Ah, the more he tries to think about it, the more his heart aches like he's missing something but it's hard to tell if it's because of something he's forgotten or because of recent events.)

... Hiding who I really am, huh? (His tone is light and casual,) Don't worry about that.

(Because if this pattern continues... )

She was. (He can admit that muchh.) She had a way of getting me to spill the truth. Honestly? It was kind of scary.

We used to share stories. I would tell her mine and she would tell me hers.

(He'd told her a story once. How had it started? "Once upon a time, in a f̴̨́̎ā̵̛̲r̶̩͌̍ȃ̴̼̬w̷̭͔͂ã̸̢y̵̻̓ ̸̙̩͐͘p̸̠̞̅ḷ̵̽à̸̺c̵̗͌͜é̶̺̉, there was a young boy. This boy came from a despised lineage." Can you really tell a story without a setting? Without knowing the main character?)

Now she's gone.

(And she's taken parts of him with her.)

I will worry, whether you want me to or not, especially now that she's gone. That's what -

[ ḧ̴̛̭̏̂̏̚͘e̸̱͔̤̹͍̠̪͌̓̂́͂̓̈́́̑͠r̴̢̢̛͓̗͔̩̥̄̾̂͐̎͘ò̶̡̙e̶̩̦̝͌s̷̛̖͔̄̊̒̇̅͑͜ ]

...That's what I do.

You don't have to tell me stories or anything, Riegan-san. I’m not trying to replace her - no one can do that. I just don’t think you should be alone, or pretending you’re okay to everyone else. I...

[ she bites her lip, hesitating, and decides to just say it. ]

I don't think Hikaru-san would want that, either. She cared too much to want that for anyone, but especially you.

I can't stop you. No one can stop anyone from feeling.

(So trying to argue that is worthless. He'd rather save his energy.)

But I know we exchanged things. Stories, secrets... things about ourselves that we haven't really told others. I just can't remember them anymore. (And he shrugs,) There are things I told her that I hadn't told anyone else. Not even Hilda.

(One of his closest and dearest people from home. Someone he arrived in this world with. The words that come out next are spoken carelessly,)

I know I'm not alone here but I left her alone that night. I knew what was happening and I understood it... and I couldn't find her. We'd been there for each other for so long and when she really needed someone with her the most, she was alone.

(And this is really the part where he starts to kick himself. He has regrets.)

[ ...oh. so that's it. ]

Was it because you didn't look for her, or because she didn't want to be found?

By Thursday... she wasn't completely herself. We couldn't find her before curfew. Xie Lian, Hua Cheng, and me.

(There was so much to cover and when they couldn't find her... they'd met up and knew what would likely happen. That whole time, they'd both been thinking about it at the back of their minds.)

We didn't know exactly what would happen... but we had an idea. Either she'd get better like I did or she'd be dead. Even if we found her, we knew we couldn't help her but at least she wouldn't have been alone.

But you looked for her. [ that's the important part, in ochako's opinion. ] If the three of you couldn't find her, then she must have wanted to be alone, in the end.

I know that doesn't make it better, but I don't think you should blame yourself for something that was her own choice. If you all knew what was coming... [ and obviously, hikaru did, too. ] ...didn't she deserve to be able to make that choice for herself, when the rest were taken out of her hands?

In the end, everything was her choice. Staying without us, the messages she left, meeting her killer...

(There's really so much here that's bothering him the more he talks about it. Complaining that it isn't fair is pointless. There's so much out of our control here and trying to hold onto everything will just blow up in their faces but how come there are people like her that couldn't escape their fates in the end while he was able to live? Why couldn't he share that luck with anyone here?)

She's gone now and I feel like a part of me is missing with her.

(He misses her!)

And it's not just her. There are others too and I know I'm not the only one.

Then shouldn't we at least try to respect the choices she made? That won't make it hurt less, but I think that's the least we can do now, besides... trying to remember everything we can for her.

And we'll bring her back, no matter it takes. Hikaru-san and the rest of them won't be gone forever.

[ maybe that isn't much comfort. it doesn't change that she's gone now, and that it still hurts. but it's something, isn't it? ]

I don't think she or any of the others would want us to give up on hoping for a better end to this.

(Here, he's quiet. He's not the most open person in the world and right now, he really feels like he's said enough. It's time to listen to others and figure out what he wants to do with those words.

Respect the choices she made.

Bring her (and everyone) back.

Don't lose hope.

The pterodactyl in his arms screeches and takes flight briefly so it can land on his shoulders and snip at his hair. Read the air, Kaze-kun!! This is a serious moment!! Claude holds up a hand, trying to stop the dinosaur,)

... You're right.

(He knows she is. She isn't saying anything he doesn't already know. BUt... it's good to hear it from someone else.)

We'll see everyone again.

[ that answer, somehow, doesn't reassure her. for all that she's trying to help, it feels like she's locked out with everyone else. so she just gives a soft sigh, and goes to pick up her raptor and hug it to her chest. ]

I don't know how long it will take to get her back, or exactly what we have to do to make it happen. I just know that we will, one way or another.

[ she'd gladly give her own life, to make sure that happens. the rest of them matter more. ]

Until then, just - try to remember that you're not alone, okay? None of us are Hikaru-san, but we can still be there for you when you need it. You just have to let us.

redacted ★ claude

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