[ he's right, of course. ochako knows it, logically, but somehow that doesn't translate to how badly her heart is taking it. she... she's killed someone, and that simply doesn't fit the hero that ochako wanted to become. it doesn't fit her, and her hands feel terribly soiled, even in xie lian's gentle grasp.
her eyes are watery, when she meets his gaze. ]
It doesn't feel like it was worth it.
[ even if it was for the good of all four of them, to make sure that at least some of them would survive... what was the point of it? ]
[ gods, he knows. his heart aches for her, because someone as sweet and kind as this young lady, hero or otherwise, shouldn't have to weather such storms. he knows, intimately, how it feels to sacrifice, how it feels to cause hurt and pain, when all you wanted to do was help. when all you've ever wanted to do was help.
his hands squeeze around hers again when he sees her teary eyed, and xie lian's brow knits, sorrow etched deep into every part of his expression. ] And to thank you feels wrong - there is no gratitude that could ever make up for the pain that you are feeling right now.
...We all survived, Miss Ochako. Wounded in more ways than one - but we have survived. [ he gives a small squeeze of his hands around hers. ] Sometimes, the strength of a hero comes not from their actions, but from the things they are able to live through. It is the unique burden of one who chooses to save others - that conversely, you will always live with a tremendous amount of pain.
How you choose to move forward after that suffering is what makes the strength of your character, though. Whether it's one small step, or a running start, or even standing in place for a little while, as long as we take what happened and move forward, it will not leave us forever in ruin.
[ they did, and she should focus on that. she knows that, and she keeps reminding herself of it, but just… can’t shake the horror of what if. it would have been her fault. she’d dealt the final blows on both of those monsters. she’d administered the injections that transformed soo-won and xie lian. she’d stabbed soo-won.
her own actions had killed someone. not once, not twice - but three times, in the span of a few hours. ]
I… I only became a hero because I needed the money to help my family. I never really considered that - that someone might die because of what I do, until someone did. And I… I decided then that I didn’t want to ever let that happen again.
[ her eyes fall to where his hands cover hers, as the tears start to spill over and roll down her cheeks. ]
But I haven’t been able to stop any of it. I… None of what happened today helped anyone.
his heart breaks for her, listening to her story, as her tears start to fall, and it's all over his face. imperceptibly, he nods a little to his sleeve, and ruoye pokes out, wriggling upwards to nudge at her cheek, wiping away a stray tear. ]
...No, it certainly didn't. [ not what they saw, what they fought, what they experienced. xie lian's somber, solemn in the words that come out of his mouth. there was no point to them fighting each other, except to suffer.
but. ] That is part of doing good, I think: that even doing the best we can in a situation such as that is not "the best" at all. The best outcome we could have hoped for was to minimize the casualties and loss as much as we can, which we did. You did.
[ xie lian squeezes her hands again. ] I think you're a good person, Miss Ochako, and a capable hero. You've showed incredibly bravery today - and compassion, too. To struggle with those what-ifs is a sign of that.
But if - if I hadn't used that serum, then couldn't we have just taken you both through that door and healed you without having to fight you?
[ neither of them have that answer, but ochako has the feeling that this will weigh on her mind for a long time to come. how much of what happened could have been avoided?
she doesn't know how to respond to xie lian's words. so she sniffles, offering ruoye a saddened, grateful smile, and tries to think ahead. that's what aizawa-sensei would tell her to do, right? ]
...I don't want what happened to us to happen to anyone else. I just don't know what we can do to stop it. The gun should help, if someone's injured, if it doesn't have side effects, too. But to prevent it...
Maybe, but... we don't know that for sure. We can't have known any of that; we can only make decisions based on our present knowledge, especially in a situation as high pressure as that one.
[ xie lian will stick with his conviction, though - that it was the right thing to do. he wants to handle it gently, but he is proud of ochako, for the heroic work that she did. heroic, difficult, dirty work...but she did it.
he won't linger, though. for her sake, and perhaps his own. ]
Your quirk... that fascinating power over gravity, yes? [ the thing that, really, saved them all even more injury. xie lian hums, thoughtfully, trying to gently pull her along and forward, too. that's at least a starting point. ] Have you trained in martial arts as a hero much, Miss Ochako?
[ grateful for the change of subject, ochako nods. ]
Mm, but only a little - mostly what I know is just self-defense. I still have a long way to go to hold up in a real fight, since my quirk isn’t really designed for it.
...I can't really do much right now, but I have always healed very quickly. Perhaps when we are both feeling better, if you'd like, I can instruct you in a few martial arts techniques...?
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her eyes are watery, when she meets his gaze. ]
It doesn't feel like it was worth it.
[ even if it was for the good of all four of them, to make sure that at least some of them would survive... what was the point of it? ]
no subject
[ gods, he knows. his heart aches for her, because someone as sweet and kind as this young lady, hero or otherwise, shouldn't have to weather such storms. he knows, intimately, how it feels to sacrifice, how it feels to cause hurt and pain, when all you wanted to do was help. when all you've ever wanted to do was help.
his hands squeeze around hers again when he sees her teary eyed, and xie lian's brow knits, sorrow etched deep into every part of his expression. ] And to thank you feels wrong - there is no gratitude that could ever make up for the pain that you are feeling right now.
...We all survived, Miss Ochako. Wounded in more ways than one - but we have survived. [ he gives a small squeeze of his hands around hers. ] Sometimes, the strength of a hero comes not from their actions, but from the things they are able to live through. It is the unique burden of one who chooses to save others - that conversely, you will always live with a tremendous amount of pain.
How you choose to move forward after that suffering is what makes the strength of your character, though. Whether it's one small step, or a running start, or even standing in place for a little while, as long as we take what happened and move forward, it will not leave us forever in ruin.
no subject
[ they did, and she should focus on that. she knows that, and she keeps reminding herself of it, but just… can’t shake the horror of what if. it would have been her fault. she’d dealt the final blows on both of those monsters. she’d administered the injections that transformed soo-won and xie lian. she’d stabbed soo-won.
her own actions had killed someone. not once, not twice - but three times, in the span of a few hours. ]
I… I only became a hero because I needed the money to help my family. I never really considered that - that someone might die because of what I do, until someone did. And I… I decided then that I didn’t want to ever let that happen again.
[ her eyes fall to where his hands cover hers, as the tears start to spill over and roll down her cheeks. ]
But I haven’t been able to stop any of it. I… None of what happened today helped anyone.
no subject
his heart breaks for her, listening to her story, as her tears start to fall, and it's all over his face. imperceptibly, he nods a little to his sleeve, and ruoye pokes out, wriggling upwards to nudge at her cheek, wiping away a stray tear. ]
...No, it certainly didn't. [ not what they saw, what they fought, what they experienced. xie lian's somber, solemn in the words that come out of his mouth. there was no point to them fighting each other, except to suffer.
but. ] That is part of doing good, I think: that even doing the best we can in a situation such as that is not "the best" at all. The best outcome we could have hoped for was to minimize the casualties and loss as much as we can, which we did. You did.
[ xie lian squeezes her hands again. ] I think you're a good person, Miss Ochako, and a capable hero. You've showed incredibly bravery today - and compassion, too. To struggle with those what-ifs is a sign of that.
no subject
[ neither of them have that answer, but ochako has the feeling that this will weigh on her mind for a long time to come. how much of what happened could have been avoided?
she doesn't know how to respond to xie lian's words. so she sniffles, offering ruoye a saddened, grateful smile, and tries to think ahead. that's what aizawa-sensei would tell her to do, right? ]
...I don't want what happened to us to happen to anyone else. I just don't know what we can do to stop it. The gun should help, if someone's injured, if it doesn't have side effects, too. But to prevent it...
[ she shrugs her uninjured shoulder, helpless. ]
I don't even have my quirk anymore.
no subject
[ xie lian will stick with his conviction, though - that it was the right thing to do. he wants to handle it gently, but he is proud of ochako, for the heroic work that she did. heroic, difficult, dirty work...but she did it.
he won't linger, though. for her sake, and perhaps his own. ]
Your quirk... that fascinating power over gravity, yes? [ the thing that, really, saved them all even more injury. xie lian hums, thoughtfully, trying to gently pull her along and forward, too. that's at least a starting point. ] Have you trained in martial arts as a hero much, Miss Ochako?
no subject
Mm, but only a little - mostly what I know is just self-defense. I still have a long way to go to hold up in a real fight, since my quirk isn’t really designed for it.
no subject
...I can't really do much right now, but I have always healed very quickly. Perhaps when we are both feeling better, if you'd like, I can instruct you in a few martial arts techniques...?
no subject
and then her face lights up in a smile. ]
Would you? That would be amazing, Xie Lian-san!