[ he listens to each of her thoughtful questions too, staying quiet as she works her way through it. xie lian doesn't really have all the answers, but... ]
...I think that is the case. I do know that the "trials" are a response from the Realm. [ xie lian holds up a finger, as if counting off her points. ] My leader told me that the Realm is reacting to what it feels is right - the letter of the law, and not the heart of it. It believes that trials are what people do when someone is killed, and so therefore, it creates the situation for us to work through.
And, as for the killings... while I also know [ a second finger ] that they are not causing as much of a buildup in nova as we might think, I do believe that our leaders have their memories returned to them, when someone from their team kills. I don't know the extent of how much, but there is a connection between those two things.
So, giving someone that ability may help them obscure a killing - which may in turn help a leader have their memories returned to them. I am of the belief that perhaps a Leader has been ordering a killing at least once since this began.
[ there's a pause, as he lets that sink in. this isn't the first conversation he's had about it, but it isn't any easier. ] ... Sometimes, people don't really care as much about the greater good - it is more about the individual, and protecting themselves and their own.
[ it's not inconceivable to her that someone might want to protect themselves first. not everyone is meant to be a hero, and heroes wouldn't even exist if it weren't for villains who prioritize themselves above all else. ochako has long since come to terms with that fact.
but to think that someone she'd chosen to trust would be the kind of person to throw away anyone's life for their own benefit? that hurts, far more than she'd known it could. ]
...I can't support that. [ her voice is soft, sad as she turns back to the stars, but firm. ] I understand that they want their memories back, but I - I don't think that I can't help them, if this is how they're doing it. Isn't there another way?
Don't count them all out - I don't think it is all of them. As far as I can tell from my own Leader, that isn't the case - I don't think that they are concerned with themselves nearly as much as they are with protecting the Realm, and all of us.
...I don't know who of them it is, though. That, I cannot say.
[ yeah. unfortunately, he doesn't feel like he knows nearly enough.
...but, he's feeling more hopeful, at least in terms of what he's starting to learn. xie lian watches ochako for a moment, picks up on the firmness in her voice, and a slightly fond smile crosses his face, as he joins her to look up, too. ]
Ultimately... right now, all we can do is encourage the others to continue down the right path, and focus on trying to unravel some of the larger mysteries of this place. The only actions we can truly control are our own.
They can't protect us if they're sending someone to kill us. Even if it's not all of them... especially if it's not all of them, because that means they're working against each other.
[ and that's been the downfall of many heroes, hasn't it? not being on the same page as their supposed peers, trusting too much or too little. what good is having a team if they aren't going to work together? how can they accomplish their goals when they're conflicting like that?
but xie lian is right. that's not something they have much control over - they probably wouldn't even be able to get their leaders to confirm anything, one way or another. they always side-step anything about themselves when she presses too much. so then... ]
...The monster, right? Do we know for sure if it's even real?
I'm not sure. I'm going to ask my leader about it tomorrow, but... I have a feeling they probably don't know very much, at least not yet.
I'm quite bad at sitting and waiting. [ xie lian laughs a little, quietly. ] It is difficult to sit and hope that information will come to us. I confess, I don't know if the 'monster' rumor is true, but... I really do hope that it is the case.
That would create a common enemy, so we would have something to work together, to stop. We may be able to have fewer secrets that way, and focus all of energy on that, instead of... [ xie lian trails off, but, it's probably obvious what he means. instead of questionably premediated murder. ]
Hearing that there may be a monster makes me want to simply run across the world and find it, so I could fight it myself. That's a bit silly of me, I think, but it still stands.
[ she listens, nodding slowly when he's finished speaking. ]
I hope it's true, too. [ it would be so much easier than the alternative, of maybe having to fight people who they thought were on their side. ] I don't think what's happening now will help us much in the long run. How could it?
[ there's so much that ochako doesn't know, but she can't bring herself to believe in any kind of greater good that involves the deliberate loss of life. it simply isn't who she is.
still, she does manage a soft laugh at that. ]
I don't think it's that silly. Reckless, maybe, but heroes are supposed to be the ones running off to take on the danger, aren't they?
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...I think that is the case. I do know that the "trials" are a response from the Realm. [ xie lian holds up a finger, as if counting off her points. ] My leader told me that the Realm is reacting to what it feels is right - the letter of the law, and not the heart of it. It believes that trials are what people do when someone is killed, and so therefore, it creates the situation for us to work through.
And, as for the killings... while I also know [ a second finger ] that they are not causing as much of a buildup in nova as we might think, I do believe that our leaders have their memories returned to them, when someone from their team kills. I don't know the extent of how much, but there is a connection between those two things.
So, giving someone that ability may help them obscure a killing - which may in turn help a leader have their memories returned to them. I am of the belief that perhaps a Leader has been ordering a killing at least once since this began.
[ there's a pause, as he lets that sink in. this isn't the first conversation he's had about it, but it isn't any easier. ] ... Sometimes, people don't really care as much about the greater good - it is more about the individual, and protecting themselves and their own.
no subject
but to think that someone she'd chosen to trust would be the kind of person to throw away anyone's life for their own benefit? that hurts, far more than she'd known it could. ]
...I can't support that. [ her voice is soft, sad as she turns back to the stars, but firm. ] I understand that they want their memories back, but I - I don't think that I can't help them, if this is how they're doing it. Isn't there another way?
no subject
...I don't know who of them it is, though. That, I cannot say.
[ yeah. unfortunately, he doesn't feel like he knows nearly enough.
...but, he's feeling more hopeful, at least in terms of what he's starting to learn. xie lian watches ochako for a moment, picks up on the firmness in her voice, and a slightly fond smile crosses his face, as he joins her to look up, too. ]
Ultimately... right now, all we can do is encourage the others to continue down the right path, and focus on trying to unravel some of the larger mysteries of this place. The only actions we can truly control are our own.
no subject
[ and that's been the downfall of many heroes, hasn't it? not being on the same page as their supposed peers, trusting too much or too little. what good is having a team if they aren't going to work together? how can they accomplish their goals when they're conflicting like that?
but xie lian is right. that's not something they have much control over - they probably wouldn't even be able to get their leaders to confirm anything, one way or another. they always side-step anything about themselves when she presses too much. so then... ]
...The monster, right? Do we know for sure if it's even real?
no subject
I'm not sure. I'm going to ask my leader about it tomorrow, but... I have a feeling they probably don't know very much, at least not yet.
I'm quite bad at sitting and waiting. [ xie lian laughs a little, quietly. ] It is difficult to sit and hope that information will come to us. I confess, I don't know if the 'monster' rumor is true, but... I really do hope that it is the case.
That would create a common enemy, so we would have something to work together, to stop. We may be able to have fewer secrets that way, and focus all of energy on that, instead of... [ xie lian trails off, but, it's probably obvious what he means. instead of questionably premediated murder. ]
Hearing that there may be a monster makes me want to simply run across the world and find it, so I could fight it myself. That's a bit silly of me, I think, but it still stands.
no subject
I hope it's true, too. [ it would be so much easier than the alternative, of maybe having to fight people who they thought were on their side. ] I don't think what's happening now will help us much in the long run. How could it?
[ there's so much that ochako doesn't know, but she can't bring herself to believe in any kind of greater good that involves the deliberate loss of life. it simply isn't who she is.
still, she does manage a soft laugh at that. ]
I don't think it's that silly. Reckless, maybe, but heroes are supposed to be the ones running off to take on the danger, aren't they?